forever sadness

its confuse to say what im  feeling to anyone, the emptiness of a empty life without future or hope its me, my freedom is... what freedom? i haven't got any... why i cannot be like them? why can't a be normal just like them? they can have that this those oh my god... nobody never will understand whats inside me, i'll not do any effort to be something i should already born like, its not fair don't you think? maybe it can be a little thing for every body but not for me... for me its so important and necessary, i could die if i don't have this i don't know why, but i can lose my life if i don't get what i ever dreamed about... a sweet fair dream which every girl should have its sad and im dying every day a bit of me die. i feel dead already but nobody can notice or can. It's not what i dreamed about my God! it was never the life i planned to have can't you see? help me please why the things i don't want come to me and im forced to accept everything... strange. it's someone doing this to me for any reason, God or the devil.